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I Never Knew How Much My Kids' Struggles Would Break My Heart

Posted On: Sep 17, 2019   |   Posted By: Scary Mommy

I Never Knew How Much My Kids' Struggles Would Break My Heart

“Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” - Ellen Cantarow
This quote is like a punch in the gut on days like today, when I feel its overwhelming and absolute truth so keenly it almost makes me sick. This morning, I put my heart on the school bus, crying, sending it off with my son who suffers from anxiety and was having a rough start to the day. He had begged me not to make him go to school... again. I felt each tear that fell from his soulful brown eyes in my own soul, every drop like a knife slash.
I wanted nothing more than to brush off all obligations, both his and mine, and just snuggle him until he was soothed. But that isn't a feasible option, and I can't let him take a mental health day every time he struggles in the morning. Because I'm a mom, and it's what we do, I masked my own anguish and gave him hugs and cheerful encouragement: he would see his friends, he would have gym class today , he...

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